fatherhood: cleland notes edition

This afternoon I got an email from Brian that simply read: here's my unedited blog post on parenting. See below...

There was a time, many years ago, when I thought the idea of having a baby made about as much sense as wearing a fanny pack. Obviously things have changed, and at age 34, I am very excited about the upcoming birth of our son, Owen. Now, with all of this excitement also comes a fair share of nervousness and anxiety.

Think about it. There’s “Baby Wise,” “Baby Whisperer,” “So Your Are Going To Be A Daddy,” among many (I’m sure very fine) publications. There are breast pumps, diaper bags, monitors, a creepy baby papoose I could wear, strollers, and sleep schedules just to name a few. Not to mention on top of all this, I’ve got to raise a well-adjusted young man, who hopefully has no issues towards me as he gets older – i.e. I don’t act as excited as a he thinks I should when he tells me he’d rather play the French Horn in the band instead of football (not judging, Owen. We love you know matter what).

One might ask yourself, how do you keep sane with all this uncertainty and new-found responsibility? Well I have the answer and it’s not in some touch-feely new age baby book. There is a steady, constant voice that’s out there and can lead you through the wilderness. You can find it any day, at almost any time. It belongs to Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable.

You see, I was raised watching the best father in action. All I ever needed to be taught about fatherhood, I learned from watching The Cosby Show. Here are just a few examples:

• Bad Grades – I already have the speech worked out. How can you forget the famous "D’s? No wonder you get D’s in everything...I’m your father. I brought you into this world and I'll take you out!"
  

• Drinking – Get ready Owen, we are about to play a game called “Chug-a-lug..."

• Wanting expensive clothing – I'll warn him not to let his sister (if he has one) make him a knockoff “Gordon Gartrelle.”
  

• Wants to rent his own place – We’ll just act like his landlords when he comes home and start charging him Monopoly money to teach him how expensive it is out there.
  

I’ll also be equipped to handle ear piercing, shaving heads to be in music videos, more bad grades, and the benefits to actually reading Macbeth, as opposed to listening to the album.

So thanks for everything, Cliff. I don’t need all those fancy books. I graduated from the School Of Parenting with a major in all things Huxtable, and a minor in Jason Seaver and Tony Micelli. How hard can it be?